Friday, 21 February 2014
Thursday, 20 February 2014
Monday, 17 February 2014
Thursday, 13 February 2014
Loving Deeply
Being deeply loved by someone gives you
strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. Lao Tzu
Wednesday, 12 February 2014
Unconditional Love
Unconditional Love
… a very rare and wonderful
thing. When we come into this world we hope to be greeted with
unconditional love and if we are lucky and have a good birth and our parents
are fully present we are greeted with unconditional love. It can be
pretty much all down hill from there.
We find ourselves in a world of conditions and
expectations, when we should eat, when we should sleep, when we should be
teething, when we should be walking; all these ‘shoulds’ and we carry these ‘shoulds’
on into our adult life.
We grow up in our parents environment, the family
home they create based upon their past experiences. As children we just
want to be loved, appreciated and fit in. Our parents write the play and
we are players, if you can step off the stage and look at your family play from
outside what do you see?
You may have siblings with differing qualities and
attributes; if you are intellectual but another sibling has taken that ‘role’
then you have to find another role, maybe the peacemaker, or the jester.
If you are sensitive and creative but that role is taken or your parents don’t
appreciate those qualities then you have to find another way to be, if you are
athletic but your parents want you to be academic then you try to fit that
mould.
This is a kind of conditioning that to us growing
up seems completely normal but maybe not natural. Being what we think we
should be creates the secondary personality. We have our primary
personality, who we really are, and our secondary personality, what the world
has made of us, the good son/daughter, the good student, the good employee, the
good spouse, it’s a kind of mask. This mask becomes our armour and though
it is created for very good reasons, it limits us.
We carry our secondary personality into our
adulthood and can create a whole life around it, doing a job we think we
should, marrying a person we think we should, creating the family we think we
should.
Sadly, if we are so identified with our secondary
personality to the determent of our primary personality we can become
unfulfilled, sad and confused about the life we find we have created for
ourselves.
Love
& blessings
Lynne
Friday, 7 February 2014
13 Tips to Building Self-Esteem
People with high self-esteem are the most desired, and desirable people in society.~Brian Tracy
In order to build your self-esteem, you must establish yourself as the master of your own life. Every single minute of your life is a moment you can change for the better.
If you’ve been delaying some action for half the day, don’t dwell on it or beat yourself up for it, shift your focus to the present moment and what you can do right now. Start with the smallest or the most important task.
The following are tips to help build continuous upward momentum towards higher self esteem.
1. Start Small
Start with something you can do immediately and easily. When we start with small successes, we build momentum to gain more confidence in our abilities. Each completed task, regardless of how small, is a building block towards a more confident you. What are some small actions you can take immediately to demonstrate that you are capable of achieving goals you’ve set for yourself? For example, clean your desk, organize your papers, or pay all your bills.
2. Create a Compelling Vision
Use the power of your imagination. Create an image of yourself as the confident and self-assured person you aspire to become. When you are this person, how will you feel? How will others perceive you? What does your body language look like? How will you talk? See these clearly in your mind’s eye, with your eyes closed. Feel the feelings, experience being and seeing things from that person’s perspective. Practice doing this for 10 minutes every morning. Put on music in the background that either relaxes you, or excites you. When you are done, write a description of this person and all the attributes you’ve observed.
3. Socialize
Get out of the house or setup a lunch date with a friend. Socializing with others will give us opportunities to connect with other people, and practice our communication and interpersonal skills.
4. Do Something that Scares You
As with all skills, we get better with practice and repetition. The more often we proactively do things that scare us, the less scary these situations will seem, and eventually will be rid of that fear.
5. Do Something You Are Good At
What are you especially good at or enjoy doing? Regularly doing things that you are good at reinforces your belief in your abilities and strengths. I (Tina) can be very efficient with completing errands or administrative work. Whenever I have a few hours filled with ways in which I’ve maximized my time, I feel highly productive and this boosts the confidence have in my abilities as an organized and efficient person.
6. Set Goals
According to a study done at Virginia Tech, 80% of Americans say they don’t have goals. And the people who regularly write down their goals earn nine times as much over their lifetime as people who don’t. By setting goals that are clear and actionable, you have a clear target of where you want to be. When you take action towards that goal, you’ll build more confidence and self-esteem in your abilities to follow through.
7. Help Others Feel Good About Themselves
Help somebody or teach them something. When you help other people feel better about themselves and like themselves more, it will make you feel good about yourself. See what you can do to make others feel good or trigger them to smile. Maybe giving them a genuine compliment, helping them with something or telling them what you admire about them.
8. Get Clarity on Life Areas
Get clarity on the life area that needs the most attention. Your self-esteem is the average of your self-concept in all the major areas of your life. Write down all the major categories of your life, e.g., health, relationships, finance, etc. Then rate yourself on a scale of 1-10 in each area. Work on the lowest numbered category first, unless they are all even. Each area affects the other areas. The more you build up each area of your life, the higher your overall self-esteem.
9. Create a Plan
Having a goal alone won’t do much. Get clarity on your action items. One of the biggest reasons people get lazy is because they don’t have a plan to achieve their goals. They don’t know what the next step is and start to wander off randomly. When you’re baking a cake, it’s a lot easier to follow a set of clear instructions, than randomly throwing ingredients together.
10. Get Motivated
Read something inspirational, listen to something empowering, talk to someone who can uplift our spirits, who can motivate us to become a better person, to live more consciously, and to take proactive steps towards creating a better life for ourselves and our families.
11. Get External Compliments
As funny as this point suggests, go find a friend or family member and ask them “What do you like about me?” “What are my strengths?” or “What do you love about me?” We will often value other people’s opinions more than our own. We are the best at beating ourselves up for things not done well, and we are the worst at recognizing what we’ve done well in. Hearing from another person our strengths and positive qualities helps to build a more positive image of ourselves.
12. Affirmations & Introspection
Use affirmations, but in the right way. Some people think that when they’re in a slump, using positive affirmations will help them get out of it. I love affirmations, but I’ve realized you have to use them in the right way. Sitting on your couch and saying “I am highly motivated and productive” does nothing. Say something like “I am sitting here being very unproductive right now, is this the ideal me? What would be my best self?” Your affirmations have to be the TRUTH. Once you’re honest, take the first step towards doing the thing, no matter how small.
13. No More Comparisons
Stop comparing yourself to other people. Low-self esteem stems from the feeling of being inferior. For example, if you were the only person in the world, do you think you could have low-self esteem? Self-esteem only comes into the picture when there are other people around us and we perceive that we are inferior. Don’t worry about what your neighbor is doing. Accept that it’ll serve you more to just go down your own path at your own pace rather than to compare yourself. Pretend you’re starting over and begin immediately with the smallest step forward.
Self-esteem comes from self-dominion. The more power you have in getting yourself to take the right actions, the more self-esteem you will have. Your level of self-esteem affects your happiness and everything you do.
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